The internet makes you stupid

In a recent study made by renowned scientists who declined to be named in this article, it has been proven that the internet decreases your IQ by a WHOPPING number of 1.0 x 10^-9000
every day. this may seem insignificant but thats what THE INTERNET WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE.

this recent study has disproven the widely propogated belief that the internet is for porn.


why?

we will discuss after the below article.

this man was a internet addict who lived in his mother's basement. he bathed once a week, ate 5 times a day, had acne, fapped to pr0nz daily, and has an oily face. also an accidentally-ed face.

Henry Rouwendal was packing his car up one night for a business trip the following morning, sharing his tranquil moonlit driveway with an Italian hoagie (his wife was inside, presumably shedding tears of jealous rage).


Pretty soon the kids will be calling it "mom."

Suddenly, the peaceful evening was shattered by a crushing blow to Henry's back. He crumpled forward to the ground and rolled over to see a black bear deflowering his beloved three meat ciabatta mistress.

Thinking quickly (and with the theme song from The Karate Kid Part Two flowing in his veins), he stomp kicked the bear in the face and neck until it retreated back into the darkness, hoagie in tow.


When asked to describe his assailant, Henry simply said, "He was smarter than the average bear."

Henry managed to crawl back to his front door in just a shade under an hour (the formula for travel after a bear attack is something like 10 minutes per foot for every inch of your ass the bear kicks). His wife, a nurse, tended to the extensive bruising and dislocated shoulder he had suffered, no doubt while the husband demanded she get him back into a shape that would let him plunge into the night to retrieve his sandwich.